Rage Coalescence: "Write what disturbs you, what you fear, what you have not been willing to speak about. Be willing to be split open." -- Natalie Goldberg
Circumstances have progressed to the point where I will soon be in the process of moving at least two of my massive, bandwidth-draining sites... elsewhere. I am not panicking I am not panicking I am not --
*slaps self*
Right. Yes, well. I'm going to be even more insane and unavailable than usual until it's all done the links dear god the LINKS --
Updated the recs with fifteen new stories in the following fandoms: Angel, Buffy, Firefly, Lord of the Rings, and Smallville.
Am considering phasing out this blog altogether. LJ isn't nearly as annoying with a paid account as it is with a free one, and people seem to like the comment function over there better in terms of fostering discussion. I already use it for everything but non-spoilerish, non-exceedingly-personal meta-discussion, which leaves poor Rage Coalescence to lie fallow and dusty and such.
That said, I *do* like having a separate space for my fannish and everything-but selves.
THAT said, is it really healthy for someone like me to compartmentalize more than strictly necessary?
And what about all the annoying html? On BOTH ends.
Memishness, Boredom, Meta, Smut For Beginners, Blah, Blah, BLAH
I've discovered what it takes to make me blather on at length: boredom. So now I want to know what inspires the *rest* of you to go meta.
Meanwhile, trolling through lj-land, I find Resonant talking about smut. And, well, there are few topics nearer and dearer to my heart than THAT.
While I was working on my Secret Slasha story, I got stuck. Horrendously stuck. Multiple times. For one thing, it's not a pairing I write very often. (See Te struggle to remain coy!) For another, the subject matter of the story... well, like I told Benaresq, it's really not my style. But it's what the story called for, and I was damned well determined to write it as well as I could. And so there was much banging my head on the desk when it came to the smut, because... AGH.
I don't LIKE writing smut like that. But Te, you might say, you write all kinds of smut! You write smut all the time! You apologize and look at yourself funny when you write a story with less than a 'R' rating! And, well, all of this is true. But there are some kinds of scenes that make me wonder how the *hell* I managed to write so many sex scenes. Hell, that make me feel like a downright *novice*.
All in all, that Secret Slasha story was one of the most *conscious* efforts I've ever made, writing-wise. I had to stop and think about maybe 80% of the words in the story before putting them down on the page, and frankly? That's just not usual. (Though it did result in the quickest editing process I've *ever* done.) I think I'm what the Spike calls a 'natural' writer -- not in the sense that writing is somehow my nature so much as in the sense that most of my stories flow pretty organically. I get a bunny, I think of a first line, I go from there.
Does that make sense? Probably not. Let me try again: Once I've got a first line? (And that first line meme has made me work *very* hard on those...) The rest is mostly cake. Because I'm actually a lot more linear than it might appear on first glance, and everything flows from those first few words. One step after another, one sentence leading into the next, and when I sense that I'm close to the end, I scroll back to the beginning and try to make the theme circular. Once I've done *that* (usually mid-sex scene), I go right back to one sentence after another until the end makes itself apparent.
Of course, this often means that the original bunny gets lost in the shuffle, but I usually don't care. (Exceptions would include my three most recent Spike stories, where I was either fulfilling a specific request (Expert Care), or trying to get my theories out before being Jossed ((Un)defined, Strings) and wow that's a lot of parentheses) For the most part, if I have a point to make? I can always put it in the blog, or in the lj if it's especially spoiler-y. I'm all about the writing. If I'm writing, no matter what it is, then I'm happy. I'm being productive, and hey -- six months or so down the road? If the story's any good, I can reread it and get a kick out of it.
*However*... that last is most assuredly *not* the case if I have to mull over every goddamned word just to try to get the story to work. I mean, I've written some decent stories that way, but I can only appreciate them on a technical level. The 'mystery,' such as it is, is completely absent. I have a powerful capacity to forget my own work and thus enjoy it as a reader, but there are limits. Cassandra suggests that maybe it just takes longer than six months. Which is definitely possible, but... well, I'm thinking of another 'conscious' story of mine that I wrote a *while* ago: "Forget-me-not." It's not a bad story. I think it holds up rather well, considering the decidedly unconventional pairing and the general *weirdness* of the concept. However... every time I try to reread it?
I'm *incredibly* aware of every trick I used, every turn of phrase that worked for me back then, hell, I can even tell what *songs* I was probably listening to while I wrote it. I'm taken completely out of the story, and where's the fun in that? Heh. I can *hear* Caro protesting.
So, how does this relate to smut?
Well, for one thing, the easiest/most unconscious sex scenes to write are also the ones that still turn me on. Hell, they may have even turned me on *while* I was writing, and screw the six month rule.
If the sex scene comes naturally from whatever came before, or if there was only a little adjustment necessary to get, say, Clark to shut up and strip, suddenly every little thing I've learned about writing smut over the years kicks in and the sex just... flows. The process:
1) Transition. Usually some bit of truncated dialogue that causes one individual to shift from thinking about Whatever to thinking about, say, the other individual's perfect cocksucking mouth.
2) Smut, smut, smutdiddlysmut.
3) Damn, I hate writing orgasms. Insert some variant of "S/he came really, really, REALLY hard."
4) Smut, smut, smutdiddlysmut.
5) See number 3.
That's not very helpful, is it? Well, hmm. I wrote a manifesto on How I Think Good Smut is written, and I'll reproduce the gist of it here: In the end, I think it all comes down to character/ization. If you've got a good handle on the characters, if the situation they're in is both right in terms of who they are and in terms of getting to the All Important Sex Scene, the rest comes naturally. Just like real life. Or, well, those instances in real life where you find yourself abruptly having hot, wild monkey sex.
And you know, I *know* a lot of you. I've had sex with quite a few of you, so, well, I *know* the abruptly-having-sex thing happens to more people than just, say, me.
So really, just think of it that way. Once you get that transition written? You're honestly home-free (unless, of course, you find yourself writing a pairing/situation/kink that profoundly turns you off), because one thing leads to another leads to the hands, hands in new places, leads to the sucky suck, leads to le petit mort. You don't have to think about *anything* beyond what Character A would likely do to Character B, given the time, place, situation, and time/accessories available. Or, make it even easier: you don't have to think about *anything* beyond how Character B feels about what Character A is doing, given the etc.
All other potential sex acts/reactions to sex acts are suddenly irrelevant, and the possibilities get narrower with every sentence you write until you reach that magic moment where there's only a handful of things your next sentence can include.
And you know, I can tell you from experience: once you've written a few sex scenes? It's all right there in your head, waiting for the next time you need to talk about, say, a truly spectacular rim-job.
Cassandra thinks I'm giving most writers too much credit. And, well, there's something to be said for knowing the basics of sex and sexuality, for understanding why some prose choices will almost never be anything *but* laughable, and why others *become* laughable when, ostensibly, put into the mouths of certain characters. (An example: throbbing fuckrods vs. 'quim' as said by Drusilla vs. 'quim' as said by... pretty much anyone *but* Drusilla.) But again, I retain my faith in the ability of thoughtful people to apply their impressive intellects to the question of just how a given character has sex. Or talks about sex. Or *thinks* about sex.
To me, a lot of bad smut could have easily been avoided if the author had simply put as much thought into how his/her characters went about making hey as s/he did into how her characters went about doing every *other* thing they do in the story in question. Alternately, a lot of bad smut could have easily been avoided if the author didn't somehow lose sight of the fact that sex is something that happens *every day*, and is thus not subject to any 'special' treatment. I can't tell you how many stories I've read where the author inexplicably changes his/her prose style to something overblown, purple, and downright ludicrous as soon as the characters got naked.
It's all about consistency, it's even *more* about character, and most of all? It's about flow. Which, in my view, is one fuck of a lot easier than the alternative.
Blogger said the Inara post DIDN'T go through, which is why I posted it to the lj. Ah well. Maybe LaT will take it easy on me. Double the meta! Double the fun!
Music: All these girls growing old now, all that long hair in the grave...
On Jossetypes and Inara, one small (?) spoiler for 'War Stories'
This was originally going to be a response to a post by ebonbird, but I ran waaaaaay long.
I think one of the reasons I enjoy Firefly so much is that it's so clear that Joss and co. are putting a *lot* of themselves into things. I mean, even beyond the whole "this is Joss' dream project" thing...
Having watched Joss' other shows, it's not at all difficult to find parallels to previous/other characters in the Serenity crew, so I get another level of enjoyment in, say, watching Wash and seeing a Xander/Oz kinda deal, only *adult*, and also way more in touch with his own issues.
Or seeing Zoe and chuckling to myself about Joss' Women's Studies major, and looking at her relationship with Wash and saying to myself 'aha, so it's not that he thinks sex destroys everything; he was really making an extended comment about maturity.'
Ramble, ramble...
Inara is perhaps the most fascinating to me, because she's so 'new' in terms of the Jossian character troupe. Yes, he's had whores-with-issues before (Darla), and yes he's had people in control (too much?) of their own sense of sex and sensuality (Tara, Oz), but... there's something very *odd* about her.
Almost off. She's a highly politicized individual, just as much (if not more so) than Mal, and her politics inform her sense of self. She's got more veils over her personal identity than I normally can stand with anyone (fictional or otherwise), but... to me at least, it makes sense.
I would be terribly surprised to see a professional Companion who wasn't very, very careful about who they allow *in*, who they show their 'real' selves to -- if they're even sure who that person behind their own eyes may be. What do we know?
There's an Academy, presumably Alliance funded and backed, to train Companions in their chosen (?) profession. Trained and certified Companions get to pick and choose their clients, and Inara's stated several times, in several different ways, that personality means more than anything else.
And, well, that's all well and good, you can even insert a few 'awws' there for good measure, but I think there's something very telling about the fact that the few clients of hers we *have* seen haven't exactly been high on the intellect/perception-meter. That they have, in fact, been noticeably and notably *less* intelligent than Inara herself, with the exception of the Councillor.
And as for *her*... well, in the brief time that we got with her, we learned that she was under a huge amount of stress and desperate for the relaxation aspects of an encounter with a Companion. Sounds like an easy enough job for someone who has probably been trained -- over and above personal inclination -- to provide What People Want/Need To See/Hear.
And then we have the other (former?) Companion, Saffron. The Dark Side of the Force, as it were, but it was a *very* nice touch that Inara only needed a few minutes to recognize the tricks of the trade, as it were. And that Saffron made a point of *avoiding* Inara until she could no longer do so. The subtext of that, for me, was that Saffron *knew* the jig would be up as soon as Inara had a few moments alone with her.
But anyway, yeah, Saffron. The best part of that episode for me, in hindsight, was the very end, with Mal struggling to figure Saffron out. *Why* did she do the things she did, considering the fact that her options, as it were, appeared to be wide open? And I don't remember the exact quote, but she basically sneered at Mal about his assumptions that she was doing it for the money, as opposed to for the sheer joy of fucking with people's heads.
And... wow. That's a *nice* little bit of info to chew on, isn't it? Especially with all the little bits of information we've been picking up about *Inara*.
I'm beginning to wonder how many people get into the Companion Academy without their psych profiles revealing a certain measure of megalomania, manipulativeness, and perhaps just a *touch* of sociopathy.
Because really, I look at Inara and see someone who is least happy with her lot when she is no longer in a position to shift and control events and people to her liking, when she is surrounded by people who she can't wrap around her pinky finger (one way or another), and when the world is more chaotic than she thinks it should be. Human beings are *messy* in all kinds of ways, and the life of a Companion seems to be all about that particular brand of psychopathic and near-psychopathic tidiness that turns some people into monsters...
... or just terribly effective whores.
And all of that said, I now realize just who Inara reminds me of, in that Jossian Archetype way. Willow, anyone?
A distinctly *AU* Willow, to be sure, but with far more similarities to our own Miss Rosenberg than, say, Kaylee.
*satisfied sigh*
Have I mentioned lately how much I love this show?
Reading between the lines, or an exploration of elitism.
So, a while back I mentioned something on my private list about how one of the ways I find people I want to know is by reading their fiction. Of course there's the talent issue -- good writers make the baby Jesus smile -- but there's also the kind of things people say in/with their stories, intentionally or not, subtextually or not.
Anna then asked me if I could expand on this, give specifics, and I've been thinking about it for a while. Prepare thyself for rambletude.
The first thought I had was about a conversation I had with Jessica some time ago. We were discussing the rather... abrupt beginning of our relationship, and how that sort of thing was par for the course for *me*, but not for her. It had been bugging me for a while -- how on earth did I manage to tumble *her*? She said something that remains the best compliment I've ever received, and still makes me all starry-eyed and schmoopy-faced: "I'd been making love to your stories for years."
And then I thought about the long-running discussion I've been having with the Spike about badfic, and the appeal/lack thereof. At a certain point, with a lot of writers, you're no longer reading about the characters so much as about Vast, Solid, and above all AGED Archetypes, engaging not in the typical acts of, say, Mulder or Lex or Fraser, but instead going down the paths laid down in classic mythology. I've been waiting for the Spike to write this essay for AGES.
And THEN I thought "wow, I've written some FUCKED up stories over the years." Yes, this is something I need to be reminded of on a regular basis. Er... yes.
And then there was the extended discussion with Caroline Baker over some of the problems I have with some of her stories. I tell her on a regular basis to seek help, and I wonder about her sexual relationships/happiness. Mind you, she has logical enough reasons for the things she does with her characters, but...
... THAT led to thoughts about Kat Allison's fic, which has a lot of the same fascination with doomed relationships, bleak and horrid worlds, and the way love isn't enough. Why don't I ever recommend my therapist to Kat? What's the difference? Will this post have a point?
Let's try to, at least, tie some of the threads together.
I've known for years that I often write about more than I plan to. Several of my stories have a great deal to do with the events going on in my life at a given time, and I definitely revisit issues that haunt me repeatedly on a semi-conscious level in an attempt to exorcise the demons. In an example of the first; there's the _Strays_ series, which I realized almost as soon as I finished part five was a mix of apologia and the road not taken in terms of my failed relationship with Linda. To wit: she resented how little of my life was devoted to her/how much of it was devoted to my writing and friendships. I couldn't handle the jealousy, and even though I loved her, I walked away.
Suddenly, I find myself writing about a guy whose social interaction is limited by necessity in love with another guy whose life and world is just starting to open up... and instead of having it doomed to horrible, painful failure, I allow Xander to throw his life away for love. Insert disturbed awws here. I think it's clear that I knew I wasn't having Xander make the *healthy* choice, as it were, and yet, in fiction at least, love can conquer all.
In an example of the second, there's all my incest and quasi-incest fic. *snerk* Doesn't look like I'm getting over THAT anytime soon.
My favored archetypes (or perhaps my favored myths) become clear with a little effort. Beauty and the Beast, and maybe they can fuck without kissing because you know, Beast is kinda hot with fangs. And speaking of fangs, why doesn't Mina ever run away with Dracula? I mean, I could understand if she decided to take up a life of celibacy, but instead she goes back to boring boy. What's up with THAT? And for that matter, why does monstrousness have to be 'ugly?' Underneath all of that, of course, is: Am I a monster?/I AM a monster.
And underneath that is the wordless drive toward happiness, fulfillment, togetherness. The Platonic ideal of soulmates, without even a hint of rational discourse to back it up. The power and the passion informs all I do, and all I am, and all I write.
Perhaps this is why -- both the facts and the awareness thereof -- I'm less tolerant of those writers who seem 'obvious.' There is no loathing like that which we have for those whose 'flaws' are all too recognizable. Because the one thing all of my closest friends (and all of the people on my private list) have in common is the fact that they've all surprised me, in one way or another. Jessica is not at all like Emily Bronte -- most/all of the time. The Spike is not some snarky punk kid -- most/all of the time. Anna is vast, she contains multitudes. (Caro points out that this last is obvious from Anna's stories, but that's kind of the point. I've never been able to get a 'handle' on her solely from her fiction, even a wrongheaded one.) LaT is dirtier than she looks/acts. For that matter, so is torch. Kat Allison may just be the physical incarnation of Death, but she doesn't MEAN to freak you out. Much. Death is kind. Debchan? Dyke. Nip.
I could go on, but you guys are starting to look at me funny, I can feel it.
Well, okay, a little more: I can't even BEGIN to describe how shocked I was to find in Jessica not the shy, retiring flower of delicate disposition who scribbled wildly between bouts of deep, heartfelt sighs and the occasional coma caused by her failure to eat, but instead of sturdy, sane, worldly, *grounded* woman who just happened to have an imagination I'd kill for. I'd have to say that a large part of my original feelings of lust had a lot to do with "holy shit, I'm a DUMBASS."
So why is surprise so important, anyway? I mean, there's something to be said for not being repeatedly smacked in the head with your own idiocy. Well, you know, there's also something to be said for people who constantly challenge you, who put in you an absolute horror of assumptions, generalizations, and everything that doesn't have (if even unspoken), an 'imo' attached. Heart disease may be the silent killer, but smug satisfaction is no joy, either.
There's something absolutely wonderful about people you know will never cease to amaze you. More than that: there's something *vital* about having people in your life you know will be able to handle it if and when you make some radical changes in your style, worldview, and/or personal sense of self.
So you know, as Nonie, Kest, and others have pointed out, yes I have been more manipulative about shaping the various group dynamics I'm a part of than I like to admit, but... I'd like to be forgiven for it. Why? Because I think my fear of being alone -- strike that -- my fear of *abruptly* being alone has served those groups well. I do exclude people -- especially those who don't show signs of being able to roll with life's various punches. Which means that everyone on my list (and everyone in my extended group of friends, for that matter) is going to be just fine if Gemma decides she needs to stop writing dark and fucked up horror and porn and start working on the path to spiritual enlightenment.
Or if Woodinat has a sex change operation.
Or Sheila joins the army.
Or... you get the idea.
But go back to the original almost-point, Te -- how do you get this from people's *writing*? Well, there are a few fairly good signs. Does the writer/vidder/artist/essayist/whatever have a lot of different fandoms? Within those fandoms, does s/he work with a lot of different characters, or types of characters?
If a person shows an interest in the world beyond the OTP, if s/he is the kind of person who finds it fascinating to mix and match with the pairings, or just to get inside the heads of characters most people don't... well, hell, that's my kind of fan. Because the kind of person whose webpage needs about fourteen different pages is the kind of person who probably has an adaptive mind, a curious mind, and by God an *open* mind.
This is why documented multifannishness is almost always my primary rule of "who I want on my list," and one of the things that makes me want to get to know a person in general.
And then there's the world of blogs and livejournals. What does the person talk about? Is there any *there* there? What are his/her attitudes toward life? What about his/her tendency to rant? Or, alternately, to waffle?
This, for me, is kind of an uneven factor. If a person has a thoughtful, interesting, varied blog, that's all to the good. If that person is also sometimes a raving bitch... well, I tend not to put as much weight on that as others do. (Think I should?) Because frankly, if people only knew me from *my* blog...
Heh.
Finally, what does the person write/create art/vid/whatever *about*? I put this last because it's such a nebulous thing. Basically, I want proof that the person isn't a one trick pony. I want to know that even if they 'only' write one pairing per fandom, they've still thought about all the ramifications of a relationship between the two people in question. The good, the bad, the ugly, the sexy, ALL of it.
There's a kind of generalized *depth* that often shows up in fans who are incapable of writing one 'kind' of story, or who revisit themes in such a way that it takes time and *effort* for the reader to figure out that theme-revisiting is, in fact, occurring.
Talent is one thing, critical thought is another. Because you know, I think just about all of us have one pairing who we like to believe would live happily ever after, and another pairing who we believe just shouldn't EVER happen (for whatever reason), but the thing is? Most of the people I have/want in my 'inner circle' have written the former angstily at least once and the latter in *some* way, shape or form... if only to prove that we could.
Or maybe to fuck with a few heads. *g*
So really, it all goes back to the nature of surprise, to being, like Anna, Legion. To being unable to stop thinking, even if that's what we'd desperately like to do. And, above all, to being more than the sum of our ficcish parts.
And that, finally, is what I get from the writing of the people on my private list, and the people who aren't on this list who I consider to be my friends: the absolute failure of assumption, the horror of generalization, and the happy circumstance of learning something new each and every day.
Graphics update, and a big one, at that. Added a new section for manipulated porn, and a couple of singlies for Buffy and Smallville. Go, revel in my perversion:
Okay, I'm officially killing part 5 of Project: Insane Fangirl, sub 1. Why? Well, for one, my brain is a dry sponge, stiff and positively incapable of spewing out more words tonight. Secondly, after a long talk with Sarah, I've decided that stories are better left to people who care more. It's not like the fandom is lacking for people who do. Third... well, there is no third.
And yes, I AM obsessive enough that it fucking stings to back away from my stupid little fic plan. God, I am NEVER getting out of therapy.