From a gap in the clouds floating in the sunset-colored sky,
a wonderous light was stretching towards me.
A figure could be seen inhaling the air,
not yet noticing the flower.

It was several months after the war ended. After the Mariemaia incident. After the Gundams have been destroyed.

<<..... the Gundam.... It has been my only anchor for so long... Has it really been a half a year?>>

Trowa was lying down on a grassy hill, watching the hot sun melt itself away into the horizon, a mournful passage towards nighttime. There was a little breeze; but it was late summer, so it was refreshing as it gently caressed his body, teasing his long bangs, before heading to the circus in the distance, ruffling the colorful flags. Arms wrapped above his head, he peered up towards the emerging stars, and closed his eyes. It was a peaceful feeling. However, these reflective times were dangerous; it was these times when his heart started to grow heavy, and his mind could only focus on the tangling emotions that he did so well in hiding away.

Heero. Yuy.

No, he hadn't seen him all this time, not since they departed after peace was again restored. It shouldn't have been a big a deal. They were only friends. Nothing had ever happened except for a few isolated incidents. That was all. Or was it? Trowa's mind asked with tingling conscience.

Like one who had been awakened to reality,
the figure was concealed in a blinding light.
The figure left him body to a small bird's whisper.
He could not feel that he had been wounded deeply.

"When everything's over.... where are you going to go?" Heero had asked him on the Peacemillion once.

"I have nowhere to go..."

"Neither do I... Trowa..."

"What?"

Heero looked down. His face displayed a war inside himself. He bit his lip. "Kuso..." He pushed Trowa to the hallway side and kissed him roughly. Trowa was surprised, but slowly submitted to this new feeling, of Heero's lips pressed to his. It felt... strangely right, help captive against the wall with the Japanese boy trapping him, hands on his slim waist. The husky smell of him filled Trowa's mind.

"Please.." as they paused, "maybe... you can be with me..." Surprised, Trowa pushed away.

"What...? No... yes... no.... I'm sorry.... Heero.... " He felt like punching Heero. What was he doing? He was a trained soldier. Was Heero Yuy, the would-be savior of Earth, saying he had feelings for what others regarded as the "circus boy" and nothing more? True, Trowa, deep inside, returned those feelings, but they didn't love each other. They didn't know each other...Not like that.... Not like that....

And he ran away....

Flowers bloomed within the clouds,
but a memory, tinted in sepia
was reflecting the silent sky all the while.

"Trowa..."

It was a week after Mariemaia was shot, and Trowa was waiting for the shuttle to arrive at the spaceport to return to Catherine. Trowa's heart pounded as he turned to meet Heero's eyes.

"Heero.. what are you doing here."

A pause. "Please... I want you to.."

"Heero, I've already said this. I can't. We both have our own things to do."

Dressed in a trenchcoat as snow was falling around them, Heero stepped forward until they were face to face.

"If I don't know you, give me the chance to. A year, a month, a week... a day... I want to be with you."

Trowa stammered... but he also heard the hollow loneliness and desire in the other boy. Heero, he thought, please don't make me fall in love with you. Please don't. You will leave me in the end, and you are... so beautiful. So perfect.

He sighed. "I guess Catherine can wait."

At about this time,
I embraced the fragility within his emotions.
I had an even more painful longing for the colors of the sky.
It was your desire.

After a dinner with Relena, they had gone into a rented car to drive back to Heero's hotel room that Relena had provided him for the stay. Trowa, in the passenger seat, stared out the window of white as snow brushed along the car.

"So tell me.. why am I here with you?" Trowa inquired.

Heero smirked slightly. "If you didn't want to stay, I wouldn't have forced you."

Silence.

Trowa lowered his head. "I suppose I should tell you that I'm... glad to see you again, after so long. I'm surpised that you still want me to be with you. You're making me feel different.."

Dark blue eyes flashed to look at Trowa, before returning to the road. "As long as there's hope, I won't give up."

Abruptly, Trowa smiled. Such typical words for Heero Yuy.

The car parked in the basement lot and they moved towards their elevator to Heero's room. Surprisingly, Trowa grabbed ahold of Heero's hand and held it, thumb carassing the flesh of the other's palm. He knew that if he accepted what Heero wanted, the other boy would always be there... the perfect companion.. the perfect friend. He moved in to kiss Heero, a new desire washing over him. Then the elevator stopped, and they travelled down the hall, hands locked together.

You were happy before your vision became tainted with wounds.
It was okay to give just a little,
but it was still too late.

"This was unexpected... but I want this. I want this..."

They were standing in the middle of Heero's small quarters. Heero, still uncertain if Trowa really returned his feelings, and Trowa, confused on whether to give into his desires or submit back into his mask. His uncertainty disappeared as soon as Heero kissed him this time.

"I... want this..." Heero repeated.

Putting his arms around Heero's neck, Trowa returned the kiss with even more fervor. His mind searched for all the doubt before, but he felt disorientated and dissolved into Heero's embrace.

"I want this too.... Heero... show me.."

The Japanese man smiled softly through the next kiss. "Yes, Trowa."

It was truly at this time and place
that I took your hand and drew you near me.

Their clothes lay piled in the corner of the room as two bodies became entangled on the accomadating hotel bed. Heero savored the actual touch of Trowa beneath him, gasping softly and touching Heero with the same unfamiliarity.

"Heero... is this what you want?"

Heero licked Trowa's ear, "Yes. This is what I've always wanted. Since I first saw you. More than this... all my heart... for you."

A sigh. "Have me... please. Prove to me that it's true."

The cobalt-eyed boy began to drag his tongue down Trowa's neck, down to the nipples where he suckled, one hand toying with the other one.

"Ahhh.....ahhh...ahhhh......" Pleasureable gasps formed from Trowa's mouth, his eyes lidded, his member started to swell. His hands were gripping on Heero's shoulders, and he half-turned to wrap one leg around Heero, wanting to touch the warm body so close to him where it was hottest.

Heero, too, was getting hard, and thrust his cock against Trowa's, almost immediately groaning from the friction, and the feeling of the heat, one that propelled back upwards, hips pushing, begging for harder contact. Heero answered and pushed down harder, straying his tongue from the nipples and back up to his lover's face.

Trowa moved in for another kiss, moaning through his mouth as they fought for control as their breaths became more labored. The pressure of Heero's cock was driving him to unstoppable depths of passion, it seemed with each of their thrusts they became closer.

"More Heero... nghuuuuuu... do more," Trowa fingered Heero's nipples, quickly turning them hard against his own.

The other man complied and started down Trowa's chest, down his stomach, until he reached his goal. Heero's tongue darted out to lick the underside to Trowa's penis.

"Aaaahh!" Trowa twitched with pleasure.

Heero licked more slowly, then finally taking Trowa into his mouth, tongue still caressing the underside, gently bobbing his head, savoring the taste of Trowa's skin, skin which was pulsing as blood engorged the area.

"God... God..." Trowa clutched the sheets, his fists curling into tight balls as he tried to thrust upwards, but couldn't, since Heero's hands had firmly pinned his hips down to the bed. His eyes shut, trying to block of the torture of the wetness and hotness of Heero's mouth, the teasing of Heero's tongue, and the knowledge that he couldn't move to ease the blinding pain and pleasure.

When Heero had made certain that Trowa had given up trying to move his hips, he slowly lowered his hand and inserted a finger inside Trowa. Heero sped up the rythmic bobbing, nodding faster until Trowa was crying out with desperation, and at the same time, subtly jerked his finger forward to hit Trowa's pleasure spot.

The green eyed boy made a gutteral scream, and released all the tenuous pleasure that had built in him. Heero forced himself not to choke, as it was his first time, and swallowed his lover's seed.

Still panting, Trowa gazed at the ceiling until Heero pulled back up and kissed him for a long time.

"You... I...."

"Shhhhh......" Heero kissed Trowa again, trying to ignore his hardness, and failing to do so, as his hips slightly jerked as he lay on the sheets, trapping his erection.

Trowa grabbed one of Heero's hands and rested it on his chest. Somehow, the hand found its way down Trowa's ass again. A finger once again reached inside, pressing repeatedly at the prostrate.

Soon, Trowa was hard again, groaning at the pleasure from Heero's finger. The Japanese man added a second finger, and a third.

"Take.. me... Heero.... I .. need... you... Please... please..." Trowa's hand wandered to the bedside table, searched for the lotion while knocking the rest of the objects on the surface down. He quickly uncapped the lid and slathered the stuff onto Heero's cock.

"Uhhhhhhhh..." Heero thrust into the hands, the hands that wrapped around him, feeling him. He was lost, not being about to breathe but gasping for air all at once.

"Heero..." The hands disappeared and gripped onto his shoulders.

Heero positioned himself and slowly entered, though he felt like coming right away. It was so tight, so intimate.... caressing him with warmth as Trowa's muscles tried to relax.

When he was fully inside, he licked Trowa's lips. Trowa, looking up, nodded, and held Heero tighter.

Heero began to move in small circles, pulling out and pushing in with forced control, managing to hit Trowa's sweet spot each time.

"God Heero... faster... faster... I need you to.. harder... "

With those words, he began speeding up the tempo until Trowa was pushed against the headboard, rocking against him, still urging Heero for more.

Heero was shaking from pleasure, becoming unsteady, but nevertheless continuing to pound into Trowa. The bed springs squeaked, all the blankets had been knocked off the bed, and sweat coated both of them, but he didn't care. He reached at Trowa's cock and began pumping hard.

"HEEEEERROO!" Trowa climaxed, and with a final thrust, Heero also plunged down from the very top of ecstasy. He collapsed onto his lover, both breathing heavily, before withdrawing.

"I..." Trowa faltered.

Heero silenced him again. He didn't want the words forced, so he hid his pain and deeply kissed his partner, stroking his hair, before they both fell asleep.

We still cannot go back to that moment?

The dark haired boy awoke, knowing something was distinctly wrong. As soon as his eyes focused, he turned and saw Trowa with his hand on the door.

"You are leaving?"

The figure at the door froze. "Catherine will be wondering where I am."

"Is that the only reason?"

Trowa hung his head. "Heero... I can't explain. I don't want you to know. Because I don't know myself... Please..." He turned, and whispered, "I need you, but.. I've always been alone. I'm sorry." He opened the door and walked out.

Heero sat in the bed, trying not to throw the beside lamp against the wall. He smiled at the door, his disappointment growing, but nevertheless stoic. "I won't give up..."

That morning is so far away.
The sunset colors that you painted are even more painful to convey.
It is also more painful to try and forget
Those wounded memories than it is to gather them.

Trowa felt the weights bear down more in his chest. He was tired of being alone. He wanted to be comforted. He wanted to put his trust on someone. Not Heero...not men.... there were too many painful memories that needed to be buried. But imprinted in his mind day and night, was the face of someone... someone who offered him a chance... maybe one that would not let him suffer.... Could it have been worth the risk?

"Catherine told me that you would be here."

Surprised that he had not heard footsteps, Trowa turned around, though he already knew who that would be.

Heero sat next to Trowa, ignoring the look that he gave him. He was all the same from the last time the green-eyed man saw him; the strong face, the intense stare.

"What..."

"I'm not staying for long.... I just wanted to visit by... since you're on Earth right now..."

"Oh," Came the monotone reply, though Trowa's heart was jumping and his mind racing in a thousand thoughts.

They sat in uncomfortable silence, Heero looking down as if the grass fascinated him, and Trowa doing the same for the stars.

"Trowa...."

His eyes fixed towards the heavens, Trowa answered. "What?"

"I... I can't say some things. I've... missed you.... I wanted to see how things were with you. And...," he lifted his gaze and turned towards Trowa. "and.... I wanted to know... if you... feel the same...now" His face was white.

"What if I do?"

Aback, Heero said, "Then... I would be happy..." He timidly brought his hand over Trowa's, covering the warmth, hoping it would not snatch away.

By instinct, Trowa flinched, but his hand remained.

"I did miss you. Heero...." he dropped back to a whisper, "..it's so hard... I want to know you. I want to... be with you... but.. it's so hard..." his voice became unsteady, "... I ran away.. because I am afraid... you can't understand this... I want to.. but I can't let go."

A hand cupped Trowa's face and turned it towards the owner. "Please...," he murmured, "please... let me. If you run again... I will never be able to... and I want to..." Heero leaned over and put his lips over Trowa's.

This time it was not rough. It was a sad sort of kiss, one with hope but mixed with loss and fear of rejection. Heero's tongue gently roamed Trowa's mouth, as if searching for a sign that this time his wish would come true.

As the kiss progressed, Trowa could no longer pent up the emotions hidden within him, and he hungrily took it in. He was with Heero. Maybe there would be a chance. Would he take it?

The kiss ended, and another one began. Soon, their hands began to roam, until Trowa realized what they were doing.

"Heero...."

Afraid, the other man looked up.

"Is this what you want?"

"You... yes."

Trowa's eyes began to water. He fought for control, but the balance was tipped. "Heero... forgive me. Please, forgive me. You should leave. I don't deserve you. Please leave." He ended up sobbing, shame and anger attacking him from the insides.

If there is anything that I can do now,
then I will give you that flower.
(in the flower...in the flower...)
I will hold this withered flower,
and color myself with it.
A sepia-colored past...

Strong arms enfolded him. Trowa couldn't believe how fast Heero moved in to comfort him when he had been rejected by him before. Could Heero care for him this much?

A whisper tickled his ear. "I don't want to leave. I want you to stay."

Trowa rested his head on Heero's shoulder, embracing tightly. Then he stood up, dragging Heero off the ground.

"Let's go."

"Where?"

"Catherine will need to know if I leave work."

Heero smiled before letting himself be led back, leaving the grassy slope as the moon now shone overhead.